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Lipstick Domme Journal

Pros and Cons of Being an Online Domme (Including Ethics)

Morning is a good time to write.

So I’ve been doing this job for over fifteen years. It kinda blows my mind that it’s been so long. And as the years go by, my income and level of success increases. Of course, it takes a lot (most) of my time. I not only have to keep up with making money in the now, but I also have to continuously plan for the future, working behind the scenes on things that don’t bring immediate income.

When I first began this kind of work online (erotic/fetish/Femdom), I had regular full-time jobs. It took about three years for me to realize that I was making more than enough money to stop going to my low-paying, 40+ hour a week job. I was actually missing out on making money by being at my regular job. And so I decided to work exclusively from home and take classes in my spare time.

As many may have guessed, this job is also a lifestyle for me, and it has its pros and cons. I absolutely love being my own boss and setting my own schedule. One problem with that, however, is that people in my life don’t always understand that just because I make my own schedule does not mean I am available at any time. I’ve read that this is an issue with other types of artists, including authors. Family and friends don’t realize that we actually have to be sitting there writing, networking, marketing, designing websites and graphics, recording, taking calls, interacting with submissives and customers, keeping up with changes in technology, troubleshooting, finding inspiration, and keeping up with both physical beauty and knowledge. We also need time to ourselves, to just reconnect with our core and chill.

Another thing I love about my job is the money. My income used to be low, and I actually didn’t care. I was fine, so long as I had a small apartment, a vehicle to get me around, and enough money for the basics and a few fun things here and there, like makeup and concerts. Even after I was making more money than I knew what to do with, I lived happily as a relatively poor person, accustomed to the adult life I had already been living. Gradually, I moved into a much larger living space and my lifestyle began to include more luxuries. The downside to this is that the more you have, the more you have to lose. I do not think there is another job at this time that would bring me as much money, or even one that I would enjoy as much. I could go back to lower income and be happy, but do I really want to? I am accustomed to my new lifestyle, now.

One of the main benefits of this job, for me, is having a creative and emotional outlet. I have a lot of internal energy that needs a way to release. Before I started this work, I was less balanced; I didn’t know what to do with all the stuff inside of me. I wrote and made art, but it wasn’t erotic, and I had just gone through some major life changes that made me a bit of a basket case. Within the first few times I got paid for presenting myself online, I felt an actual shift in my mood, my confidence, and my overall way of thinking. I felt validated and valued in the way I wanted to feel. I was almost surprised at the level of interest people had in me, and that I was immediately successful. And so I kept going.

And we all know about the judgments people have about adult work, and the misunderstandings. How it is taboo, there are stigmas attached, and we either have to lie about what we do, face a billion personal questions, or be asked to train other people who think it’s easy money. All the people who I am really close with have known what I do since I quit my regular jobs, and they are supportive. With other people, I have to make something up and change the subject. There are some people who I tell right off the bat, if I feel out their energy and know it would be cool. I have definitely wondered (and still wonder) about a more normal life, with a regular job and a husband and kids. It is difficult, I find, to have a healthy, monogomous relationship with someone while devoting most of my time to what I do online. I often feel like I have to be polyamorous and open about it, because I am more accepted by those who are poly.

Another thing that I used to think of as a downside to this job was that, because I don’t have a place that I need to be at a certain time every day (regular job), I have to organize my own schedule/routine. I also found it to be a downside that I do not have anything to force me to be around people every day and socialize. I have spent long periods in isolation, and have had some really messed up sleeping patterns. But nowadays, I actually think it is good that I was essentially forced to find other ways of creating my own routines and making/spending time with friends. It’s been a learning experience.

I still have a bunch of stuff inside me, but now I have a way to get it out, thanks to my submissives and customers. Because I get so much out of this job (mentally, emotionally, financially, and even spiritually), I sometimes wonder exactly what I am giving to my submissives and customers. It’s obviously something, because I’m still making a living. And what I do is more than just help guys orgasm. In fact, one of my specialties is chastity training. At least half the people who call me for phone domination don’t care if they orgasm or not; they just want an experience.

Oh, and the struggle with morals. I have definitely had that, and I sometimes still do. I consider myself ethical, and have had to learn where to draw lines. Some questions I’ve asked myself include, Is it okay to have financial slaves that are married? Will my forms of Femdom hypnosis mess up someone’s head in a bad way? Am I hindering positive progress in people’s lives by using humiliation, encouraging them to be addicted, telling them to stay home and diddle instead of going out and dating or spending more time with family?

One thing that makes me feel better about these questions is that submissives and customers come to me, and pay me for what I offer. I don’t go chasing people down and try to harm their lives. People know what I offer, which includes intense humiliation, mind fucking, brainwashing, sissification, teasing and denial, and financial domination. They find me for a reason, and pay me for a reason. I have been told by a fan that I truly offer an important service. He was a convicted felon who had done time in prison, and he said that my work keeps people off the streets where they might commit more crimes and do more harm in society. People who have this extra energy, this desire and fire, they want to play. They need something “dangerous” to fill a void. And what I do keeps them home at their computer, ipad, or smart phone, where things are actually more safe.

I’ve also had customers thank me profusely for what I do. Hundreds of them. I do not know everyone’s circumstances, but other people also have stuff inside them that leads them to seek out what I offer. Strange as it may seem to some, many people benefit psychologically from letting go of their ego and giving up to the control of another. Fans, submissives, and customers have told me that I inspire them to work harder and take better care of themselves, because I deserve it. I’ve also been told that relationships with family members have improved once they have found me, because there is less resentment in relationships where they are unable or afraid to share who they really are as sexual beings. Instead of feeling depressed and brooding about an isolated sexuality that is outside the conventional norm, they now have a way to release, so they can be in a better mood with their significant others.

People also learn about themselves once they have experienced my sessions. They learn about their own limits, and how to self-monitor. Some people end up diddling themselves sick, and need to take a break. And during that break, they might do something amazing that was building inside them without knowing it. Same thing can happen during consistent service to me. Voids are filled, and voids are recognized. Broken parts are mended, and parts that they thought were in tact might become broken. It’s all a part of some kind of healing and growing process. And we’re in it together.

Is this lifestyle difficult? Yes, it can be. Is it rewarding in ways other than financially? Absolutely. I have chosen this over a more conventional life, and I do not regret it. And I am really grateful that what I naturally want to put out there just happens to be in demand. Sometimes I feel like I am just a conduit, and something that the internet world needs is being channeled through me. It’s interesting to explore the reasons behind why things happen. In the beginning, I didn’t know I would be so well-received. My mind is a bit twisted in a way that isn’t necessarily common for Dominatrices. I’m also not a typical model, physically. But it was kind of like the internet world was waiting for me to appear, because I’ve had continuous success for over fifteen years.

Welp, I have some stuff to take care of, or I could go on writing. I should be around later, and I’m excited to continue to experience life and sexuality with you.


Goddess Lycia

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