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Lipstick Domme
Lipstick Domme Journal

The Smoking Thing

Hey mooshkas!

I know I’ve addressed this topic on my Patreon, but I am not sure I’ve addressed it publicly, otherwise.

As some of you might remember, I quit smoking a while back. I had been a smoker from a young age, probably around 14 years old (yikes). Then, about 7 years ago, I spontaneously quit. Which lasted for 5½ years.

Did I tell you guys the story of how I quit? It’s pretty interesting.

It started with me chain-smoking during some kind of cold or lung infection. I just remember I was coughing a lot, but I’d take my cold meds and smoke anyway while I worked online. I was making money for my upcoming trip to Italy, which I had planned with my mother.

It was already kind of stressful, knowing I had a trip to another country coming up- –with my mother– -with whom I’ve had a rocky past.

Then, a few days before the trip, my house was burglarized. It was a pretty awful feeling, and added to the stress. Kindly, the burglars left my itinerary for Italy and my passport, although they took the bag they were in and everything else in it (camera, mp3 player, laptop, etc.)

So me and my mother go to Italy, and the first day was as screwy as a paypig’s ball sack. No- it was screwier than that. We missed trains, took the wrong trains, walked in circles all over the place. And I was carrying all our luggage, both mine and hers, because of her structural issues.

Anyway, that night, at our hotel in Orvieto, I had my first asthma attack. I didn’t even know I was doing it in my sleep, but my mom heard it and woke me up. I was making this awful sound, trying to get a breath in. It was pretty disturbing to us both. Mom had a ventilator with her, and gave me a hit, to help calm the issue.

The next morning, upon waking, I decided that was it- I was quitting cigarettes. I had a carton of American Spirits and a carton of Virginia Slims 120s- menthol. We took both cartons into an alleyway for someone to discover and be happy about.

The main reason I quit without planning it is because I had said to myself for years that I’d quit when I had proof that it was harming me, physically. And I took the asthma attack as proof. Plus, my lungs just felt shot. I was done.

For the two (still stressful) weeks in Italy, it was easy for me to not smoke. Ironically, because everyone else was smoking. But I was having those asthma attacks every day and night. We had to get my own ventilators at an Italian pharmacy.

It was when I returned home, to my usual “smoking environment,” that I started feeling the struggle. What was I supposed to do with my hands? I was without my “companion.”

That’s when I started making collages, to keep my mind and hands occupied. Recently, this collage, in particular, has been mocking me.

I made it over five years as a non-smoker, and I was proud of it. Then, a year and a half ago, I went through a breakup. I actually started smoking a bit before the breakup, but only because I was unhappy and knew it was coming. All it took to break my over-five-years roll was a (really) shitty mindset and a friend who happened to smoke, who I asked for a cig.

I started sneaking around, buying packs here and there and smoking privately. After a month or so, I was smoking regularly, and gradually coming out of the closet to my friends, family, and fans.

I wasn’t proud of myself; am still not. But it’s what happened, and rather than hide it from everyone, I let the cat out of the bag and smoked right on up, knowing I would quit again. Knowing I had to.

So I’ve been smoking again for a year and a half, and I am just about ready to stop. There are a hundred thousand reasons why I need to stop, and I don’t feel the need to list them all here. But I decided that, while I was smoking, I’d throw a few bones to the guys with a smoking fetish. They will soon have to live with the fact that I quit, again, and they can go watch clips from some other Lady who does smoke. And if they like me for who I am without the smoking, they will continue service to me.

I actually went through a few processes to quit, within the past year. I got nicotine patches, which I found myself ripping right off so that I could just enjoy a freaking cigarette. Tried vaping, which I really didn’t like. I got a prescription for Chantix, which I discovered is not covered by my insurance, and would cost over $500 for a month’s worth. I even went to a hypnotherapist. The guy got me to change my brand, but I ended up cancelling my third (final) appointment, because I just didn’t feel quite ready. As my hypno fans know, you gotta want it.

And I am feeling it coming on, now- the being ready. There are too many motivators to ignore. If I made a list of pros and cons (which I might have), the pros of quitting would far outweigh the cons of quitting.

I plan for it to happen soon. It will be rough for a couple months, but I can push through. I’ll keep you guys updated on my progress, here and there.


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